Warning: This story contains mentions of suicide that may be triggering to some readers.  

By Nicholas Paik

Jill Christine’s brain injury story is one 36 years in the making. It’s a story filled with ups and downs, one Jill has been hesitant to tell. Today, at age 54, she’s ready to share the wealth of information she’s picked up along the way to help others - especially women like her who may not receive the resources they need and struggle in silence.

A sports fanatic all her life, Jill competed in several sports as a child, often as a means of physical therapy to deal with birth defects like club foot and hip dysplasia. She started playing soccer at age five, along with dance and gymnastics, and later moved on to competitive skating and diving.

Two days after her high school graduation in 1988, Jill was driving a Fiat Spider when she ran over a pothole that caused a loss of steering and she drifted across the double yellow line, colliding head-on with an oncoming van. She suffered a traumatic brain injury (TBI) after a direct impact with the steering wheel and sustained countless other injuries, including amnesia affecting memories from the first 18 years of her life. When all was said and done, Jill underwent 35 surgeries for physical injuries and has struggled with memory loss, face blindness, and a variety of cognitive challenges for decades.

“The worst part about the days, weeks, and months after was feeling that life would never get better,” said Jill.

Jil’s mother thought the best place for her to be was back in school, as the combination of academic rigor and having a creative outlet would help with healing. So, within three months of the injury, Jill was enrolled full-time in college and despite all the interruptions for surgeries and healing, she still managed to graduate only one semester behind her classmates. This would turn out to be pivotal in her long-term recovery.

“My mom knew I had to figure out how to adjust on my own by facing my challenges head-on,” said Jill.  “The words ‘I can’t’ were not allowed. Instead, it was always a matter of finding another way.”

After her accident, Jill experienced a vast array of post-brain injury symptoms, with bouts of depression, anger, irritability, rage, apathy, and thoughts of suicide. The brain injury also impacted Jill’s cardiac system and reproductive endocrinology, causing heart issues and contributing to infertility and miscarriages, ultimately resulting in a hysterectomy and early onset menopause and osteoporosis. She would learn over time her challenges needed to be addressed and dealt with in her own organic way, throughout her life.

Three decades later, Jill is still challenged daily with the lasting effects of her TBI, and she faces it all with the strength instilled in her by a select few people who poured their hearts and souls into her healing: Jill’s mother, Jill’s grandparents, and a friend named KP.

From a young age, Jill’s mother taught her we are all responsible for our own happiness. There was no room for excuses in life - if you wanted something bad enough, you had to work hard for it. And especially with a head injury, you have to work harder than everyone else. If there is a problem, find the root cause and have the drive to get the answers you need. Adapting to any situation was essential, and so was refusing to quit when the going got tough.

“My mother sacrificed so much for me, and she is the reason why I am still here,” said Jill. “She taught me humility, kindness, grit, and fortitude, but most importantly, how to function in a world blind to the challenges I faced. My successes would be of my own making.”

Jill’s mother also emphasized the importance of service to others - not just to help them, but to heal one’s own soul. Going through the trauma of her accident, Jill ultimately spent years trying to understand the purpose of her life and why she was still here. Though she didn’t know it at the time, Jill’s experience would end up being a gift. Three decades later, she has begun to harness the power of her injury and use her perspective in the hopes of making substantive change for the millions struggling from the devastating effects of TBI.

KP came into Jill’s life later as an adult. Jill calls her a woman of deep faith, a guiding light, and a true blessing on earth.

“She possessed the strong personality traits I was struggling to understand in myself, new traits that were born out of my head injury and drastically different from the meek and quiet girl I used to be,” said Jill.

KP and Jill’s mother were pivotal in Jill’s adjustment to life with a brain injury. Though they were opposites in personality, both were incredibly loving, fiercely loyal, extremely smart women who taught Jill strength, courage, and how to survive in a world which might not understand what she was going through.

“My mom encouraged all the softer things in me, and KP taught me to stand my ground unwaveringly,” said Jill. “Between the two of them, they taught me how to take on the world with grace and be able to withstand the storms that would undoubtedly arise.”

The lasting effects of Jill’s brain injury are a constant. In her twenties, she self-medicated with alcohol, trying to calm the countless thoughts swirling in her head. She couldn’t understand what was happening, why she was becoming so irritable, and why she struggled with a variety of cognitive tasks. Jill recalls countless medical providers showing little compassion, ignoring her symptoms and prescribing drugs with seemingly no rhyme or reason.

In her 30s, after achieving a second bachelor’s degree, this time in nursing, Jill turned to research and science for answers. As time went on, she found holistic strategies to be the most effective and over the years has identified what works to manage the intersections of her symptoms and an outside world which couldn’t see her invisible injury. To that end, one of the therapies Jill incorporated into her daily life is gardening, which she says has been her salvation. She calls it “the best form of therapy” and says it provides a vast array of mental health benefits. In addition, Jill credits a decades long nutrition-focused and active lifestyle in helping her thrive all these years later.

“There are so many parallels between gardening and living,” said Jill. “There is a need to constantly prune and tend to your life just as you would a garden. There is power in spending time ruminating in your garden and much to be learned from the renewal of life occurring each year. It’s important to know when one season ends and when it is time to till the soil for the next. The mental and physical work are truly healing…it’s about the process and working through everything at your own pace, in your own time, using the tools that work for you.”

Jill has become a strong believer in patient advocacy and standing up for yourself. She wants everyone to take charge of their own health, trying out treatments until finding one that works.

“Science and research are making new discoveries every day which help explain how our brains and bodies are connected, and how our natural world can help us heal,” said Jill. “My journey has taught me that I am happiest and most productive when leading a simplistic life, rooted in a natural and holistic approach to healing and living, and dedicated to helping others along their own TBI journey. Now I advocate for others and work with survivors to assist them in finding ways to thrive living with a constantly evolving brain injury.”

While searching for solutions online, Jill happened to read about the Concussion Legacy Foundation in a news article. Exploring CLF’s website, she was impressed with the data-driven research and science behind many of its resources and programs. Recently, Jill has participated in CLF Zoom Support Groups and is a Peer Support Volunteer for other brain injury survivors, both of which she has found extremely helpful and therapeutic.

“I am so happy I can share my experience with others like me and listen to their stories as well,” said Jill. “This community has helped me realize I am not alone, and this new perspective has ushered in a renewed sense of purpose and a new direction in life.”

Jill has many reasons for finally sharing her story, including “frustration with a continued lack of knowledge in healthcare when it comes to the complexity and chronicity of brain injuries, wanting others to know they’re not alone in their suffering, and wanting to be an example of someone finding ways to thrive three decades later, despite a traumatic brain injury invisible to everyone else.” Jill acknowledges the effects of her injury change every year, but she is still persevering in her journey.

Through everything, Jill’s mother continues to stay with her. Though she passed away in 2016, Jill hears her voice every day telling her to keep going and to never lose the will to fight.

“My mother’s spirit still lights my way in this world, aiding me in making a difference for others every single day,” said Jill. “I may have been a quiet intellectual as a young girl, but three decades surviving and thriving with an invisible injury has turned me into a force of nature. I’ll continue to help other TBI survivors strategize for a better life for as long as I am fortunate enough to be here.”

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Suicide is preventable and help is available. If you are concerned that someone in your life may be suicidal, the five #BeThe1To steps are simple actions anyone can take to help someone in crisis. If you are struggling to cope and would like some emotional support, call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 to connect with a trained counselor. It’s free, confidential, and available to everyone in the United States. You do not have to be suicidal to call.

Are you or someone you know struggling with lingering concussion symptoms? We support patients and families through the CLF HelpLine, providing personalized help to those struggling with the outcomes of brain injury. Submit your request today and a dedicated member of the Concussion Legacy Foundation team will be happy to assist you.